Peace. Stillness. Order. Calm. Connection. Unity. Completion.
All longed for. None constantly felt. All found in Christ. All reside in the place where we fellowship with Christ. The Holy of Holies. Fellowship with my Lord puts it all in perspective.
Long to-do list. Long prayer list. Unfinished conversations. Life's demands are undending.
Perspective. Sometimes all I need is a little perspective. Clarity is achieved through prayer.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Sleep Eludes Me...
Night two of less than four hours of sleep. I suppose that remains to be seen for this night. I do love the quiet. Quiet only happens between about 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. at our house. The little ones rise early.
This past week my baby turned two. Much more of an ordeal for me emotionally than I expected. I found it difficult to even talk about it without crying. I have an uncanny attachment and desire for babies. More babies. This however, is not what God would have for me at this time. I've never had anyone turn two without already having a baby or being pregnant with one. I think that not being pregnant makes me feel old as well. I've been praying through this and have no idea if the feelings will one day subside. Will I always feel this joy and pain when I see an infant? I don't know but I trust the Lord to help me deal with these emotions. I am interested to see how it will all play out. I can never predict how God will shape me or what insights He will give me. I am glad that I have this experience for I know I'm not alone and I can comfort other women who feel the same way. I know that my friends who are older always say how quickly the time goes and how they can remember the days so clearly when their own children were young. I believe them. My eldest is seven and I remember the day we brought her home from the hospital, what she was wearing, what I was wearing, the weather conditions, etc. Now she wants to watch American Idol and has opinions about the performers. How did this happen so quickly?
Lord, sustain my feeble frame, my ever changing emotions and let me only point my little girls to you. Let me rest upon your never changing qualities in this ever changing world. You are my rock, my fortress and my deliverer. What would I do without your counsel? Surely I would lay down and never rise. I go forward into obedience only by your grace.
This past week my baby turned two. Much more of an ordeal for me emotionally than I expected. I found it difficult to even talk about it without crying. I have an uncanny attachment and desire for babies. More babies. This however, is not what God would have for me at this time. I've never had anyone turn two without already having a baby or being pregnant with one. I think that not being pregnant makes me feel old as well. I've been praying through this and have no idea if the feelings will one day subside. Will I always feel this joy and pain when I see an infant? I don't know but I trust the Lord to help me deal with these emotions. I am interested to see how it will all play out. I can never predict how God will shape me or what insights He will give me. I am glad that I have this experience for I know I'm not alone and I can comfort other women who feel the same way. I know that my friends who are older always say how quickly the time goes and how they can remember the days so clearly when their own children were young. I believe them. My eldest is seven and I remember the day we brought her home from the hospital, what she was wearing, what I was wearing, the weather conditions, etc. Now she wants to watch American Idol and has opinions about the performers. How did this happen so quickly?
Lord, sustain my feeble frame, my ever changing emotions and let me only point my little girls to you. Let me rest upon your never changing qualities in this ever changing world. You are my rock, my fortress and my deliverer. What would I do without your counsel? Surely I would lay down and never rise. I go forward into obedience only by your grace.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
puppy and peace
When I read the posts of others I really enjoy learning more about each individual. I seem to learn more of life and more about myself when I get to know others. I wonder if anyone wants to hear about my thoughts and ramblings... whether they do or not it's therapy just to type.
We are a family of 7 now as we added a dog over Christmas. I know, I said I wouldn't until Savannah was at least three but we couldn't pass up this deal and especially the perfect age to give to them for christmas morning. He's a cutie pie. I'd never heard of Silver Labrador Retrievers before but if you google them you'll see some pics of what Beau looks like. He's really a good looking dog. With a dog comes the chewing, peeing and pooping in strange places. For example if it's rainy or cold he just goes in the patio instead of taking the 10 steps to his other favorite place, my flower bed. oh well. I'm checking in to doggy school soon. We'll have him so smart he'll be doing the laundry. I wish. Maybe our next pet can be a robot maid!!! ha!! At least this go around with the doggy I'm able to relax because he's outside most of the time. Key here is to get a big dog... or at least he will be a big dog.
I must go. I hear Savannah waking from her nap much to early but I'm always happy to see her!! If you find me here and want to reconnect look me up on Facebook. I check pretty much everyday. I hope this finds you in peace with your mind stayed upon Christ who is our rock and fortress.
We are a family of 7 now as we added a dog over Christmas. I know, I said I wouldn't until Savannah was at least three but we couldn't pass up this deal and especially the perfect age to give to them for christmas morning. He's a cutie pie. I'd never heard of Silver Labrador Retrievers before but if you google them you'll see some pics of what Beau looks like. He's really a good looking dog. With a dog comes the chewing, peeing and pooping in strange places. For example if it's rainy or cold he just goes in the patio instead of taking the 10 steps to his other favorite place, my flower bed. oh well. I'm checking in to doggy school soon. We'll have him so smart he'll be doing the laundry. I wish. Maybe our next pet can be a robot maid!!! ha!! At least this go around with the doggy I'm able to relax because he's outside most of the time. Key here is to get a big dog... or at least he will be a big dog.
I must go. I hear Savannah waking from her nap much to early but I'm always happy to see her!! If you find me here and want to reconnect look me up on Facebook. I check pretty much everyday. I hope this finds you in peace with your mind stayed upon Christ who is our rock and fortress.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
okay, so it's been a while...
blogging is something that comes and goes for me but recently I've felt the urge to blog. I don't know exactly how I separate that urge from the urge to eat or the urge to do anything else but somehow, here I sit, blogging.
Yeah so this is public domain. My thoughts for the world to see. That's okay because most folks wouldn't even understand what I'm saying. If you know me you'll understand and for that I am grateful. Isn't being understood one of the greatest of our desires? It's right up there with wanting to be loved, accepted and wanting to eat pizza. That's the second time I've mentioned eating. Probably because I'm dieting, again.
To catch you up on all that has transpired since I last blogged I'll start out by saying that yes, I have had another baby since my last blog! I wouldn't be me if I hadn't right? Wrong. Because you see I have four and no more. We are all babied out. Well, at least that's what my doctor tells me. I of course could never be more ready to add another bundle to the bunch. The girls are growing in their interests and activities which keeps me busier than ever. I had seen women who practically lived in their cars taking kids from one event to another and was always so glad that wasn't me. It still isn't me but it's fast approaching. We have ballet, soccer, violin and school. I have to protect our precious family time. Days literally fly by and babies become little girls. I know that I'll blink and these little girls will be big girls and then young ladies and then gone. That's why every moment counts. I have so many friends with children and we all agree that we just can't get our brains around the speed with which all of this takes place. Then again I have no desire to prolong some of these days.
I was attending a luncheon at a friends house when an older lady spoke up about a great idea she had. Now this lady is a true Southern Lady. She has one of the most lovely accents you'd ever want to hear as she drops her "r" and adds syllables. She has the greatest sense of humor as well. I wish you could all meet her. (in heaven) Her idea was this: She said that she wished she could get one of those old timey telephone booths, you know, the old red ones like you see in old movies set in London. She said she wanted one of those in her house and that she wanted it to be a time machine. You'd be able to choose what time, where and for how long you wanted to visit. She set she would go back to when her son Richard was 2 years old for fifteen minutes! I laughed and laughed and then I cried. How precious that this lady who now has grandchildren still wants to go back to those days when her children were small. How hilarious that she remembers those days so well that she'd only want to be there for fifteen minutes!!
Yeah so this is public domain. My thoughts for the world to see. That's okay because most folks wouldn't even understand what I'm saying. If you know me you'll understand and for that I am grateful. Isn't being understood one of the greatest of our desires? It's right up there with wanting to be loved, accepted and wanting to eat pizza. That's the second time I've mentioned eating. Probably because I'm dieting, again.
To catch you up on all that has transpired since I last blogged I'll start out by saying that yes, I have had another baby since my last blog! I wouldn't be me if I hadn't right? Wrong. Because you see I have four and no more. We are all babied out. Well, at least that's what my doctor tells me. I of course could never be more ready to add another bundle to the bunch. The girls are growing in their interests and activities which keeps me busier than ever. I had seen women who practically lived in their cars taking kids from one event to another and was always so glad that wasn't me. It still isn't me but it's fast approaching. We have ballet, soccer, violin and school. I have to protect our precious family time. Days literally fly by and babies become little girls. I know that I'll blink and these little girls will be big girls and then young ladies and then gone. That's why every moment counts. I have so many friends with children and we all agree that we just can't get our brains around the speed with which all of this takes place. Then again I have no desire to prolong some of these days.
I was attending a luncheon at a friends house when an older lady spoke up about a great idea she had. Now this lady is a true Southern Lady. She has one of the most lovely accents you'd ever want to hear as she drops her "r" and adds syllables. She has the greatest sense of humor as well. I wish you could all meet her. (in heaven) Her idea was this: She said that she wished she could get one of those old timey telephone booths, you know, the old red ones like you see in old movies set in London. She said she wanted one of those in her house and that she wanted it to be a time machine. You'd be able to choose what time, where and for how long you wanted to visit. She set she would go back to when her son Richard was 2 years old for fifteen minutes! I laughed and laughed and then I cried. How precious that this lady who now has grandchildren still wants to go back to those days when her children were small. How hilarious that she remembers those days so well that she'd only want to be there for fifteen minutes!!
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Settling in... Again
Peace is something we all long for. I know that I hear people talk about how peaceful it is to sit and listen to the ocean, or light a candle and sip their favorite beverage, or just be quiet with the one you love. True, these things are comforting, even relaxing but not peaceful. Peace is when you are at absolute rest in your soul in respect to your stance with God. Peace is when you know there is not a cloud between you and the savior of your soul. Peace is when you are not kicking against God's plan for you. Peace is when your desires have become His desires. Peace is something we all long for. Peace is attainable.
I am settling in again. Back home from vacation. Back to reality. Escaping reality and the daily grind is something I look forward to. However, when you are a Mom the daily grind follows you.
Then again it's not the daily grind at all. It's the daily honor, the daily priveledge, the daily gift of caring for those who God has placed in my life. To love them, to be tender, to let them know that they have a place in the world and that God has dreams for them. To speak blessing to them and remind them of who they can be in Christ... This is my "daily grind".
So settling in again isn't so bad. I don't have to be disappointed that my vacation is over. Nothing has changed except the scenery. Actually I think I might get more rest at home. I don't have to load up the beach bag and put sunscreen on everyone!
Settling in to God's plan and God's place for me as a woman, mother, wife and child of God is the Only place to find peace and rest for my soul.
I am settling in again. Back home from vacation. Back to reality. Escaping reality and the daily grind is something I look forward to. However, when you are a Mom the daily grind follows you.
Then again it's not the daily grind at all. It's the daily honor, the daily priveledge, the daily gift of caring for those who God has placed in my life. To love them, to be tender, to let them know that they have a place in the world and that God has dreams for them. To speak blessing to them and remind them of who they can be in Christ... This is my "daily grind".
So settling in again isn't so bad. I don't have to be disappointed that my vacation is over. Nothing has changed except the scenery. Actually I think I might get more rest at home. I don't have to load up the beach bag and put sunscreen on everyone!
Settling in to God's plan and God's place for me as a woman, mother, wife and child of God is the Only place to find peace and rest for my soul.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
I want to write but I don't even know where to begin. I just found out about someone I love that is hurting. I have a really hard time knowing that I can't be there. I want to be there for all my friends and family. God cares for them more than I do and is better able to help them so I have to trust Him.
It's amazing how people can be one person when they are with you and someone else at other times. You know, you never really know someone unless they want you to know them. You just can't force yourself into anyone's world. All I really want is for people to be who they really are. I want this for myself too. I know that I hide myself for fear of hurting people or getting hurt. I have such strong opinions and strong convictions and I have to learn to hold my tongue. People just don't want to hear what others have to say sometimes.
I'm struck lately with how it seems that people just don't know how much they are loved because they don't put themselves out there to be loved. We all hide. Then we wonder why we are alone.
I've struggled with depression. I've even been diagnosed as a manic. I don't know what I think about it. I do know that I have more control over how I feel and what I do than I've ever realized. I can make decisions about how I'm going to feel. Most importantly I can pray and God can change the way I feel.
I've grown more spiritually in the past two years than I have in my entire life. I can't believe how wonderfully trials teach! I should know! I just wish I could communicate to those I love the things that I know would help them with their struggles. Hearts can only be changed by God. My words may be a means to God's ends but I can not control or overpower. I must remember that pray is not a last resort because I feel powerless to do anything else. Pray is the first thing I must do and the only thing with any guarantees.
I see those who claim Christ walking in ways that are totally in opposition to God and I wonder, "Do they know what they are doing? Are they even aware?" Then I look at myself and I pray that God will be merciful because that's the only thing keeping my head above water. God has been merciful, so merciful. I've been exposed to so much truth and by God's grace alone am attempting to apply it. I am married to the most amazing man and the best inspiration for holiness of life in the gift of motherhood. If left to myself I would be profaning the name of God left, right and center.
God please show mercy to those who are walking away from all they know is good and true. Do what you do best, give them no rest until they are back in your safe keeping.
It's amazing how people can be one person when they are with you and someone else at other times. You know, you never really know someone unless they want you to know them. You just can't force yourself into anyone's world. All I really want is for people to be who they really are. I want this for myself too. I know that I hide myself for fear of hurting people or getting hurt. I have such strong opinions and strong convictions and I have to learn to hold my tongue. People just don't want to hear what others have to say sometimes.
I'm struck lately with how it seems that people just don't know how much they are loved because they don't put themselves out there to be loved. We all hide. Then we wonder why we are alone.
I've struggled with depression. I've even been diagnosed as a manic. I don't know what I think about it. I do know that I have more control over how I feel and what I do than I've ever realized. I can make decisions about how I'm going to feel. Most importantly I can pray and God can change the way I feel.
I've grown more spiritually in the past two years than I have in my entire life. I can't believe how wonderfully trials teach! I should know! I just wish I could communicate to those I love the things that I know would help them with their struggles. Hearts can only be changed by God. My words may be a means to God's ends but I can not control or overpower. I must remember that pray is not a last resort because I feel powerless to do anything else. Pray is the first thing I must do and the only thing with any guarantees.
I see those who claim Christ walking in ways that are totally in opposition to God and I wonder, "Do they know what they are doing? Are they even aware?" Then I look at myself and I pray that God will be merciful because that's the only thing keeping my head above water. God has been merciful, so merciful. I've been exposed to so much truth and by God's grace alone am attempting to apply it. I am married to the most amazing man and the best inspiration for holiness of life in the gift of motherhood. If left to myself I would be profaning the name of God left, right and center.
God please show mercy to those who are walking away from all they know is good and true. Do what you do best, give them no rest until they are back in your safe keeping.
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