Sleep Eludes Me...

Night two of less than four hours of sleep. I suppose that remains to be seen for this night. I do love the quiet. Quiet only happens between about 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. at our house. The little ones rise early.
This past week my baby turned two. Much more of an ordeal for me emotionally than I expected. I found it difficult to even talk about it without crying. I have an uncanny attachment and desire for babies. More babies. This however, is not what God would have for me at this time. I've never had anyone turn two without already having a baby or being pregnant with one. I think that not being pregnant makes me feel old as well. I've been praying through this and have no idea if the feelings will one day subside. Will I always feel this joy and pain when I see an infant? I don't know but I trust the Lord to help me deal with these emotions. I am interested to see how it will all play out. I can never predict how God will shape me or what insights He will give me. I am glad that I have this experience for I know I'm not alone and I can comfort other women who feel the same way. I know that my friends who are older always say how quickly the time goes and how they can remember the days so clearly when their own children were young. I believe them. My eldest is seven and I remember the day we brought her home from the hospital, what she was wearing, what I was wearing, the weather conditions, etc. Now she wants to watch American Idol and has opinions about the performers. How did this happen so quickly?
Lord, sustain my feeble frame, my ever changing emotions and let me only point my little girls to you. Let me rest upon your never changing qualities in this ever changing world. You are my rock, my fortress and my deliverer. What would I do without your counsel? Surely I would lay down and never rise. I go forward into obedience only by your grace.