I want to write but I don't even know where to begin. I just found out about someone I love that is hurting. I have a really hard time knowing that I can't be there. I want to be there for all my friends and family. God cares for them more than I do and is better able to help them so I have to trust Him.
It's amazing how people can be one person when they are with you and someone else at other times. You know, you never really know someone unless they want you to know them. You just can't force yourself into anyone's world. All I really want is for people to be who they really are. I want this for myself too. I know that I hide myself for fear of hurting people or getting hurt. I have such strong opinions and strong convictions and I have to learn to hold my tongue. People just don't want to hear what others have to say sometimes.

I'm struck lately with how it seems that people just don't know how much they are loved because they don't put themselves out there to be loved. We all hide. Then we wonder why we are alone.

I've struggled with depression. I've even been diagnosed as a manic. I don't know what I think about it. I do know that I have more control over how I feel and what I do than I've ever realized. I can make decisions about how I'm going to feel. Most importantly I can pray and God can change the way I feel.

I've grown more spiritually in the past two years than I have in my entire life. I can't believe how wonderfully trials teach! I should know! I just wish I could communicate to those I love the things that I know would help them with their struggles. Hearts can only be changed by God. My words may be a means to God's ends but I can not control or overpower. I must remember that pray is not a last resort because I feel powerless to do anything else. Pray is the first thing I must do and the only thing with any guarantees.

I see those who claim Christ walking in ways that are totally in opposition to God and I wonder, "Do they know what they are doing? Are they even aware?" Then I look at myself and I pray that God will be merciful because that's the only thing keeping my head above water. God has been merciful, so merciful. I've been exposed to so much truth and by God's grace alone am attempting to apply it. I am married to the most amazing man and the best inspiration for holiness of life in the gift of motherhood. If left to myself I would be profaning the name of God left, right and center.

God please show mercy to those who are walking away from all they know is good and true. Do what you do best, give them no rest until they are back in your safe keeping.